I’m pleased to say, the first line of my novel manuscript is solid. It achieves its main objective: to intrigue a reader and coax them further into my novel. My first paragraph is even better than my first line, and I do think it will make my dear reader push on to the bottom of page one, and perhaps even launch them through the first chapter.
I have not come to this determination quickly or easily. Yet this determination does not mean that I am resolved to keep my first line as is.
Two years ago, when I decided to expand a short story into a full-length novel, I watched and read every how-to I could find on story structure and novel writing. The first line of that short story had been written without much thought, plunging the reader into scene and action. If that sentence still exists, it's now embedded somewhere in the middle of my novel manuscript. A new first line has been poking me in the ribs ever since.
If an agent responds to a novel query, they request sample of the manuscript—a sample that must originate from the very start of the novel. The author cannot choose their favorite ten pages as a sample: meaning writers ought to aim for their first pages, the first chapter, to be compelling. The more I researched and learned about querying, the more the weight my opening line dawned on me.
My novel’s first line was blah, then. Sure, it successfully introduced my main character by name but focused on a detail that set the scene and hinted at his character. It did not lead my reader toward the inciting incident—and, worst of all, it was not intriguing.
So, I rewrote my first line countless times. I moved paragraphs and parts of paragraphs around. I added metaphors. I pumped up the volume on my verbs. I cut adverbs and adjectives. I simplified. And I asked the question, “what does my reader most need to know?”
I’ve been living with (and second-guessing) my current first line for about eight months now. I revisit it in between rounds of editing, sometimes really liking it, and at other times, certain I can do better.
Last week, I went to my local Barnes & Noble. I took pages of notes: title, author, and their first lines. To this I added more research, from online lists of “the best first lines” and all the first lines from novels I had recently read. I stopped at 50 published books, not all contemporary fiction, and not all in my genre.
Its only after this research I was able to write “that my first line is solid” with assurance,. It won’t stand in the way of my success, and it might even help.
From my research I noticed that the best first lines seem to accomplish these five tasks below. Very few first lines achieve all five tasks, but the best ones accomplish more than one. For each example I’ve listed, try to guess what additional task that first line is accomplishing.
INTRIGUE: Present something mysterious, or two conflicting ideas.
“Here at the beginning it must be said the End was on everyone’s mind.”
I Cheerfully Refuse, by Leif Enger“It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking 13.”
1984, George Orwell“When I was born, the name for what I was did not exist.”
Circe, Madeline Miller“The day Somebody McSomebody put a gun to my breast and called me a cat and threatened to shoot me was the same day the milkman died.” [also great sense of theme and voice]
Milkman, Anna Burns“Before my wife turned vegetarian, I’d always thought of her as completely unremarkable in every way.”
Vegetarian, Han Kang
Present the central conflict by raising a question.
“In the next town over, a man had killed his family.”
The Bee Sting, Paul Murray“When Salma peers into her daughter’s coffee cup she knows instantly she must lie.”
Salt Houses, Hala Alyan“She was already inside the elevator when he entered.”
Cleopatra and Frankenstein, Coco Mellors“Jennifer Quinn had no idea that at the age of seventy-seven she would become a household name.”
Mrs Quinn’s rise to Fame: A Novel, Olivia Ford“The Day Ruthie went missing, the blackflies seemed to be especially hungry.”
The Berry Pickers, Amanda Peters“It Began As A Mistake.”
Post Office, Charles Bukowski
Introduce the main character with clues about POV, voice, reliability, and personality.
“For the first six days of William Water’s life, he was not an only child.”
Hello Beautiful, Ann Napolitano“Muriel Prager believed in heaven because she had been there once.”
Saturday Night at the Lakeside Supper Club, J Ryan Stradal“When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow.”
To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee“Maybe it was that Cyrus had done the wrong drugs in the right order, or the right drugs in the wrong order, but when God finally spoke back to him after twenty-seven years of silence, what Cyrus wanted more than anything was a do-over.”
Martyr, Kaveh Akbar“I’ve been standing by this kettle, making tea for Arthur and me, for sixty-two years.”
The Last List of Mabel Beaumont, Laura Pearson
Provide immediacy with specificity and precision.
“When the lights went off, the accompanist kissed her.”
Bel Canto, Ann Patchett“Like many others, I did not see it coming.”
Lucy by the Sea, Elizabeth Strout“Lately the line between real life and movies has begun to blur.”
The Girls in the Picture, Melanie Benjamin“Our mothers came down to the docking gate to say cheerio to us.”
Gliff, Ali Smith“Annie Brown died right before dinner.”
After Annie, Anna Quindlen
Offer a short important fact.
“Every city is a ghost.”
Lair of Dreams, Libba Bray“The Circus arrives without warning.”
Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern“Ove is fifty-nine.”
A Man Called Ove, by Fredrik Backman“I am surrounded by forgotten women.”
The Most Beautiful Girl in Cuba, Chanel Cleeton“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.”
The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien“Darkness Suits Me.”
Remarkably Bright Creatures, Shelby Van Pelt
What to avoid in a first line, and probably within the first paragraph? Avoid a scene that is boring and quotidian. And don’t over-complicate things. Most of the first lines I researched were simple and succinct. Only one, Lessons in Chemistry, was long and rambling. In fact, Bonnie Garmus’s first line is her entire first paragraph. In it, she sets the scene, time period, primary conflict, and presents the voice, theme and main character. She does not provide much immediacy; instead, we are thrust into what sounds like flashback.
Back in 1961, when women wore shirtwaist dresses and joined garden clubs
and drove legions of children around in seatbeltless cars without giving
it a second thought; back before anyone knew there’d even be a
sixties movement, much less one that its participants would spend
the next sixty years chronicling; back when the big wars were over
and the secret wars had just begun and people were starting
to think fresh and believe everything was possible, the thirty-year-old
mother of Madeline Zott rose before dawn every morning
and felt certain of just one thing; her life was over.
In Malachy Tallack’s That Beautiful Atlantic Waltz, Tallack skips the typical tasks above and instead masterfully introduces us to the novel’s voice, one of its major themes, and an overarching metaphor. What he doesn’t do is name the main character or explain the metaphor (which is actually a stand-in for two ideas in the novel.) I didn’t realize the import of his first line when I read his sublime novel, but when I went back and reread his first line, I realized how smart it is.
And all at once, as though commanded into being, a great wave rose.
So where does that leave me with my first line? Or you, with yours? The one I have introduces my main character and tone, it hints at the central conflict, and it is a short fact. Yes, it is intriguing. Over the next month, I plan to generate a list of other potential first lines, each one aiming to accomplish two of the tasks above, or like Tallack, connecting my story's main idea to its opening in some broader, poetic way. Then, I’ll choose one. If I keep the one I have, great. I like it. But I’m also inspired to generate a few new ones.
Love this piece! I kept thinking, "Oh my, how fun would it be to write a book of first lines only?" I would leave out "It was a dark and stormy night ..."
Fascinating! Now I am going to go back to all my favorite stories and read their first lines!