Every so often we need to go back to basics, correct bad habits, declutter …
… even our sentences.
Avoid combining unrelated ideas in one sentence.
Examples. Marion lived in Kathmandu and her methods of child-rearing were harsh. Corrected: Marion lived in Katmandu. Her methods of child-rearing were harsh. Trip was an only-child and was sent to prison. Corrected: Trip was an only child. He was sent to prison.
Can you correct this sentence? We are living in a rented apartment until we can build our new house which is being designed by our former neighbor and architect, Jenna Gallego, who just got married.The connection between related ideas in a single sentence must be clear.
Example: I did not know the woman’s address, and I went straight to the police. Corrected. Since I did not know the woman’s address, I went straight to the police.
Can you correct this sentence? Frail and trembling, gray-haired, with big round glasses distorting her flaccid face, Edwina Charleston had for 50 years been housekeeper to her wealthy sister, and spoke her mind.
Avoid long, rambling sentences with no predominant thought. Do this by separating into shorter sentences or reconstruct so that less important elements are subordinate to more important ones.
Example: Barack Obama is a very admired man, and he excelled at leadership and in accomplishing his goals, but he failed to unify the nation, and often we tend to overlook a president’s important achievements and see only their lasting legacy. Corrected: Barack Obama, an admired man, excelled at leadership and in accomplishing goals. However, he failed to unify the nation. Often, a president’s legacy causes us to overlook their important achievements.
Can you correct this sentence? Adelaide wrote me an incoherent letter, and in it there were many people mentioned of whom I had not thought for years, by which fact I discerned that her mind was reverting to the scenes of our childhood, which was spent by us in a lovely little town in the Alsace.
Avoid a shift of point of view or construction within the same sentence.
Examples: Roberta lunges at the intruder, but instead of throwing a punch, the enormous man grins. Corrected: Roberta lunges at the enormous man who is intruding. Instead of throwing a punch, the intruder smiles at Roberta. Woody Guthie was not troubled by his family’s suffering any more than poverty concerned him. Corrected: Woody Guthie was not troubled by his family’s suffering any more than he was concerned about their poverty. [the addition of “he” in the corrected sentence, keeps both ideas with the same structural subject, Woody Guthrie and he.]
Can you correct this sentence? Give the cement mixer a thorough cleaning before you put it away, and one ought to oil it, too.
Happy Writing!
Thank you for the reminders!